Stairway to Kevin

I'm Kevin. Freelance writer in Boston with a degree in journalism and a minor in memes.

Email: kevslane[at]gmail[dot]com

Conan O’Brien made fun of me last night and it was delightful

Background: Conan O’Brien did an event last night at the JFK Library discussing comedy, politics, growing up in Brookline, and a host of other topics with moderator Wesley Morris.  Near the end of the 90 minutes, Conan took preselected questions from the audience, as well as some from Twitter. Since I was one of the people helping select questions, one of mine got put near the top of the screen. Here’s a rough transcript of what happened next, as best my memory serves.

Wesley: Ok, we’re going to take some questions from Twitter now. (large screen descends, banter I don’t remember ensues.)

Conan: Hmm, I can’t really see any of these questions.

Wesley: All I can really see is that one guy at the top. The one about politics

Conan: Oh yeah, ok. Here’s a question from Kevin Slane… kslane… who, by the way, looks like he’s having a great time in his picture there. (laughter)

Wesley: Is that a collander on his head?

Conan: I think he just got off the slopes — he might be a skiier?

Wesley: I don’t know…

Conan: Either way, doesn’t get much more professional than that. So thank you, Kevin Slane, for keeping it classy.

That recollection of the conversation is probably 100% inaccurate, and I won’t know until we put the full video up on the JFK website next week, but in summary, Conan was awesome and mocked me in front of 500 people (plus an unknown number of listeners on Sirius XM). Bonus: The rest of the night, anyone I met at our post-forum reception had the same crystallizing moment about 30 seconds into our conversation when they glanced down at my nametag and said “Oh, you’re KEVIN SLANE!” which is not something I expected when meeting some pretty important people — or anyone, for that matter.

Conan is coming to the JFK Library tonight! I’m obviously super excited, and have been peppering him with questions using the #Coco4JFK hashtag all week. The event has been sold out for months now, but it’s going to be streaming live from the JFK website and broadcast on Sirius XM Book Radio starting at 6 EST. Be sure to check it out. 

Conan is coming to the JFK Library tonight! I’m obviously super excited, and have been peppering him with questions using the #Coco4JFK hashtag all week. The event has been sold out for months now, but it’s going to be streaming live from the JFK website and broadcast on Sirius XM Book Radio starting at 6 EST. Be sure to check it out. 

Boss: Kevin, thanks for your help on the social media stuff for the Conan event.
Me: No problem, happy to do it.
Boss: I just had one question: Are you wearing a hat in your Twitter photo? Or is that a crown of some sort?
Me: …neither
Boss: …
Me: It’s a pasta strainer.

gotemcoach:

Q: Who committed more fouls in the Spurs v. Clippers 2nd Round series: Tim Duncan or Blake Griffin?

A: Tim Duncan and Blake Griffin have never committed a foul, ever, since they’ve been born.

#GotEmCoach

(via nbaoffseason)

solittletimetoblog: meghannjane: l3fan-o-rama: i got a donation solicitation letter from scott walker today along with a postage paid envelope. rather than simply toss in the recycle bin, i took the opportunity to take a few dollars away from his campaign by sending along some junk from my toolbox (old paint can openers, an outlet cover, strike plates - lots of small, flat, heavy-ish things). i also drew a mustache & horns on his picture along with a message on the back voicing my displeasure. i suggest that everyone who gets this at least mail it back blank, but adding some weight and a message is a nice touch. reblog if you please so we can knock a few $ out of the opposition’s coffers. This is freaking delightful! Awesome. Wisco followers, you know what to do.

solittletimetoblog:

meghannjane:

l3fan-o-rama:

i got a donation solicitation letter from scott walker today along with a postage paid envelope. rather than simply toss in the recycle bin, i took the opportunity to take a few dollars away from his campaign by sending along some junk from my toolbox (old paint can openers, an outlet cover, strike plates - lots of small, flat, heavy-ish things).

i also drew a mustache & horns on his picture along with a message on the back voicing my displeasure.

i suggest that everyone who gets this at least mail it back blank, but adding some weight and a message is a nice touch. reblog if you please so we can knock a few $ out of the opposition’s coffers.

This is freaking delightful!

Awesome.

Wisco followers, you know what to do.

Why yes, I do sometimes friend request kids who I used to look after during my days as an after-school counselor who even then I could tell were gonna grow up to be complete dickshafts which is why I didn’t feel bad about the time I nailed them in the face with a dodgeball and made them cry especially now that they creepily like every photo my little sister posts on facebook because LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE TURNED INTO RYAN, TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY USING TO ADJUST YOUR COLOR COORDINATED NEW ERA HAT FROM A FOOTBALL TEAM YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF TO THE PERFECT RAKISH ANGLE SO THAT LADIES KNOW YOUR CAREER AS A STUNT DOUBLE FOR IRESPECTFEMALES IS GOING SUPER GREAT AND JUST LIKE YOUR DEAF MENTOR YOU THINK THE BEST WAY TO SHOW LOVE TO THE HONEYS IS THROUGH INCORRECTLY SPELLED HANDWRITTEN PLATITUDES THAT HAVE NO DISCERNIBLE MEANING EVEN WHEN PAIRED WITH A HEART AND SMILEY. /getoffmylawn

Why yes, I do sometimes friend request kids who I used to look after during my days as an after-school counselor who even then I could tell were gonna grow up to be complete dickshafts which is why I didn’t feel bad about the time I nailed them in the face with a dodgeball and made them cry especially now that they creepily like every photo my little sister posts on facebook because LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE TURNED INTO RYAN, TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY USING TO ADJUST YOUR COLOR COORDINATED NEW ERA HAT FROM A FOOTBALL TEAM YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF TO THE PERFECT RAKISH ANGLE SO THAT LADIES KNOW YOUR CAREER AS A STUNT DOUBLE FOR IRESPECTFEMALES IS GOING SUPER GREAT AND JUST LIKE YOUR DEAF MENTOR YOU THINK THE BEST WAY TO SHOW LOVE TO THE HONEYS IS THROUGH INCORRECTLY SPELLED HANDWRITTEN PLATITUDES THAT HAVE NO DISCERNIBLE MEANING EVEN WHEN PAIRED WITH A HEART AND SMILEY.

/getoffmylawn

More like @DamnitsGarfield am I right?!?! These 300 14-year-olds know what I’m talking about!

More like @DamnitsGarfield am I right?!?! These 300 14-year-olds know what I’m talking about!

Yes, the rumors are true: Michael Swaim and I got really drunk and ended up married in Vegas, where he got my Twitter handle tattooed on his back. Another rumor that is true: I pitched an article to Cracked awhile back that they didn’t end up running (jerks!), but months later, Swaim sent me a message saying they had decided to use some of the research I did in his show Does Not Compute (not jerks!). I’m pretty excited about it — mostly because I can finally add “Worked with comedic legend smj10131981” to the top of my resume — but also because being in any way associated with Cracked and Michael Swaim is a huge honor. If a screengrab of Swaim’s back isn’t enough for you, be sure to check out the finished product, The 6 Least Necessary Sequels to Viral Videos.

Yes, the rumors are true: Michael Swaim and I got really drunk and ended up married in Vegas, where he got my Twitter handle tattooed on his back.

Another rumor that is true: I pitched an article to Cracked awhile back that they didn’t end up running (jerks!), but months later, Swaim sent me a message saying they had decided to use some of the research I did in his show Does Not Compute (not jerks!). I’m pretty excited about it — mostly because I can finally add “Worked with comedic legend smj10131981” to the top of my resume — but also because being in any way associated with Cracked and Michael Swaim is a huge honor.

If a screengrab of Swaim’s back isn’t enough for you, be sure to check out the finished product, The 6 Least Necessary Sequels to Viral Videos.

Hierarchy of concerns concerning my broken laptop (from lowest to highest)

-Realizing that the seminal playlist Lou Bega’s “Mambo Number 5” for 19 Hours Straight may soon be but a forgotten memory

-Telling a smirking Apple Store employee how I spilled an entire bottle of water on my laptop during a Chicago-Boston flight and was forced to use overhead air vents and both my shirts in vain drying attempts because I feared getting up to ask for napkins during takeoff might violate Sky Law

-Getting asked by the Apple Technician why my social security number, savings account number, high school locker combination, and every password I’ve ever used are all located in a word document on my desktop titled “numbers and shit”

-Getting asked by the same Apple Technician why a folder titled “IMPORTANT THINGS” is comprised solely of 150 screenshots of restaurant’s Facebook pages and a half-finished cover letter to Olive Garden

-Getting asked whether I want to try to recover one or both of these items

-Having to ask my roommate to borrow his laptop for ‘research’ only to have him find “Richard Kind and Richard Karn fan fiction (HETEROSEXUAL ONLY!)” in his search history

-Coming to terms with the fact that I just called my Dad my roommate to make myself seem cool on the internet, and could easily see myself reading and then writing about Richard Karn/Kind fanfic

-Putting my laptop in rice and then using a blow dryer causing rice cakes and Macbook pilaf, only one of which is covered by warranty

-Falling behind on every meme, every article in my reader, every torrented episode of the latest buzz-worthy show, and most importantly, everything Michael Jordan says, leaving me with nothing interesting or relevant to say to anyone

-Porn